This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, an investment conglomerate of Bloomberg Opinion's opinions. Sign up here. Today's Agenda More of this, please. Photographer: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images North America Speak, BuffettIt says something about just how much trouble America is in these days that Dave Portnoy has replaced Warren Buffett as its guiding light in a crisis. The Barstool Sports founder turned braggadocious day trader keeps calling the Oracle of Omaha old news, anointing himself "the captain now." Buffett has never been an ideal source of inspiration; there's a merciless capitalist behind that grandfatherly exterior. But in past dark nights of the national soul, he was at least a calm voice of reason, investing in a future he insisted would be brighter. Portnoy mainly keeps finding new ways to extol his own brilliance. Buffett, meanwhile, has largely been AWOL throughout this nightmare, notes Tara Lachapelle. Perhaps worse, he's also been proving Portnoy somewhat right, by not appearing to be very good anymore at the whole merciless capitalist thing:  This only makes Berkshire investors more anxious about who might succeed Buffett, who's now nearly 90, and what the company might do with its eleventy gazillion dollars in cash. Tara's one-stop solution to all of these problems, ahead of Berkshire's earnings report tomorrow: Buffett should break with tradition and actually hold an earnings call. It would at least distract from Captain Portnoy for a few hours. Jobs Report Neither Good Enough Nor Bad EnoughIt's good corporate practice in times of national crisis to dump as much bad news as possible all at once, especially when everybody else is doing it, to bury your own sins and to lower the bar you have to clear later. It's kind of too bad the U.S. economy isn't run the same way. Because this would have been a great month to go ahead and have a big old puke of a jobs report. Stimulus measures are expiring, but Senate Republicans are reluctant to offer much more. An ugly report might have convinced them. Instead what we got, Brian Chappatta writes, was something that was neither good enough to be comforting nor terrible enough to spur much more action. So now we'll have to brace for more puking later. One bright spot in the report was a rebound in employment at dental offices. People are going back to the dentist after months of lockdowns, notes Justin Fox. Masks can only cover up your foul breath so much, after all. Unfortunately, though, traffic at dentist offices still isn't high enough to fully cover all the costs of making it safe for employees to poke around in that germ cistern you call a mouth. It's the story of the whole economy: closer to normal, but not nearly close enough. Even less encouraging is the industrial sector, where Brooke Sutherland notes activity has rebounded, but hiring has not kept pace. Future openings, in fact, are more likely to be filled by robots than by people. Cold War, Hot MessBecause President Donald Trump apparently sees pretty much everything in life as a Hobbesian zero-sum game, America may be on the verge of pulling troops out of the territories of not one but two longtime allies, just because they didn't pony up quite enough cash for their own defense. The first is Germany, the second is South Korea. Two long-time partners, two vital theaters of operation, one comically large, blunt mallet of a foreign policy. Like the German pullout already in motion, ditching South Korea would be a reckless, self-defeating snub of an old friend, writes Bloomberg's editorial board. It's certainly not a smart way to prosecute a Cold War with China. Further Cold War Reading: So You Want to Dump Your 401(k)Last month, Aaron Brown argued traditional 401(k)s no longer make sense for some investors because of rising fees and taxes. If you don't have a high salary or a generous match from your employer, then you might want to consider other parking spots for your retirement money, he wrote. Readers naturally wanted to know the location of such parking spots. So today Aaron offers some alternatives — though he admits they're not as ideal as Congress simply fixing the 401(k).Further Investment Reading: Telltale ChartsLondoners have been particularly reluctant to go back to the office, probably because the city still isn't the safest, writes Chris Hughes. But pressure will grow to help revive its zombified economy.  Richer nations are less likely to associate morality with spirituality, writes Ben Schott.  Further ReadingTrump personalizing stimulus talks makes it harder to strike a deal and avoid blame. — Jonathan Bernstein Trump's polling doesn't seem to have gotten worse lately, but it's still too dismal to make him a favorite. — Jonathan Bernstein Florida's coronavirus deaths haven't been as bad as I predicted, but then Florida may be undercounting them. — Cathy O'Neil The Bank of England is far more upbeat than England's banks, a troubling disconnect. — Marcus Ashworth The U.S. can't convince the UN to extend the Iran arms embargo, so it will have to get creative. — Eli Lake ICYMISteven Mnuchin said he'll tell Trump to take executive action on stimulus. Airports may do away with check-in and security lines. Quaint seaside towns see bidding wars among fleeing New Yorkers. KickersPro tip: When using candles as a proposal prop, don't burn the house down. (h/t Scott Kominers) Looking at deep red light may help eyesight. Black hole planets may exist. Exercise, diet and sleep, done properly, work wonders. Note: Please send candles and complaints to Mark Gongloff at mgongloff1@bloomberg.net. Sign up here and follow us on Twitter and Facebook. | 
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